I was drunk.

So last week I was in a drunken stupor.

 Except I wasn't, so there is no explanation for my impulsiveness.

Sometimes I just do things.  I wish I could say I got bees in my bonnet, but I don't wear bonnets, and even if I did wear floppy hats with unflattering chin grippers and use them to collect bees at least I would end up with honey.  Instead I just end up with guinea pigs. Two of them.  

I didn't go out trying to get guinea pigs or anything, I don't have some weird fascination with fuzzy rodents who do not in fact resemble anything close to their piggy names.
 I was just sitting there, minding my own business when the stupid idea cloud flashed a bolt of lighting from the sky, through my bedroom window, and hit me smack in the back of the head sending me right off of the couch I was sitting on and onto the floor. 

There was nothing I could do because my mouth has absolutely no defense against super lightning idea clouds. So I just spblurted out "Hey kids, if you get rid of half of your toys, I will help you buy those guinea pigs you've been saving up for f-o-r-e-v-e-r!" 

The problem was, they heard me.

The other problem was, I didn't yet realize that super-lightning-idea-cloud is an idiot. So I didn't even have the opportunity to throw out a big 'ol "just kidding" . 

Truth is folks, they stink.  The guinea pigs.  Just like every rational thinking person told me they would.  

It's not the first time this has happened.  Once upon a time this summer I was knocked off the couch with the notion that I might want to go to college.  So here I am, in my first semester of college, trying to figure out homework again when I could just be enjoying my daily hair/nail/massage/eyelash/moisturize/shoelace/glitter/zumba/knitting/bon-bon appointments I was so used to before.  

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A diagram:

ME THREE MONTHS AGO:  pet free, non smelly house, & leisure time

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^------------------------>*@* (ideacloudlightningstrike)

ME TODAY:  stinky pigs, stinky house, stinky homework, & no leisure time stinks.  Like stinky stinks.

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I'm sure they will have some diagram classes in school if you found this one rough to follow.  

I had no choice.  

It was the drunken stupor.

Except it wasn't.

<----- Not a Guinea